He sighed and looked around his apartment of 5 years. There were boxes piled around him. The packers would be there next morning to pack his belongings. He wondered if that was the only stuff he was taking with him - he realized that whatever else he was carrying along could not be categorized as "things"..................
There was a huge cake in the middle of the room and the guests - their best friends were all present. The cake was a masterpiece of sorts - designed and baked by her and looked absolutely gorgeous. The only thing left was to start the party once he arrived. The doorbell chimed and he walked in, surprise writ large on his face. His face broke into a huge grin as he saw his friends and the cake and the elaborate spread she had so painstakingly prepared. As he proceeded to cut the cake, everyone sang "happy birthday" - there were even a few juvenile characters that wanted to smear cake on his face......
It was past midnight when the last of the guests left after the party. As she was clearing away the dishes and loading the dishwasher, she felt his arms caressing her neck. She felt something on her neck, even after she felt his hands slid off. She ran to the mirror to look and saw a beautiful string of freshwater pearls on her neck. It was one of the happiest days of their life.....
Life hurtled on in breakneck pace, the weeks and weekends were full - full of activities, people and life in general. Work and school took both of them places, which was very exciting - but it took them to different places. Not of the world, but of different places in life. Hopes, aspirations, ambitions and desires ceased being one. She tried hard to make life converge, for both of them. But there was something amiss. And the saddest part was, her anguish was only her own. He longer felt anything - no sorrow, no happiness......
Still slumped amidst the boxes, he was deep in thought - he still felt like he threw it away, he knew it and yet they were not things that could be thrown away. They were memories. And they were all he had now.
In another distant part of the same city, she looked around her now empty living room, before preparing to close the door behind her. Everything was loaded into her moving truck, goodbyes said, things given away.....symbolically she wondered if she was closing the door to her past, leaving it behind forever.
He was shaken out of his reverie by a strange sound - a sound of a door closing softly. And he instantly knew.
*P.S. Trying my hand at fiction. Realized I am not too comfortable crafting plots.
Over and Out
Bugs
My life of six years,
Little hopes, successes, failures and fears,
all sealed in a few boxes.
Boxes all around me,
But blur is all that I see -
Through a pallid film of tears.
Memories come back to haunt,
So much they do taunt,
that emptiness is all I feel.
No sadness for goodbyes,
No happiness for new ties,
Nothing at all.
Just a feeling of dread,
That envelopes me like a shroud,
Sometimes emptiness is the best thing you can ever feel.
Little hopes, successes, failures and fears,
all sealed in a few boxes.
Boxes all around me,
But blur is all that I see -
Through a pallid film of tears.
Memories come back to haunt,
So much they do taunt,
that emptiness is all I feel.
No sadness for goodbyes,
No happiness for new ties,
Nothing at all.
Just a feeling of dread,
That envelopes me like a shroud,
Sometimes emptiness is the best thing you can ever feel.
The fair Ladies....
.....of the literary type. Here goes my list of the choicest as mentioned earlier....
1. Karla Saarnen (Shantaram) - Beautiful, clever, smart and complicated. Her wisdom is the reason for many of the unforgettable lines in the book. Mysterious, poignant and wise as well - one philosophical heroine(!).
2. Adah Price (Poisonwood Bible) - The twin who doesn't talk. In spite of this, her impact in the book is great. Extremely witty and smart, she has a life and spirit of her own, that the other 3 sisters don't exhibit.
3. Tereza (The Unbearable Lightness of Being) - I share a love-hate relationship with Tereza. I like her in many parts of the book while she displays some spirit and strength - she just practices detachment from him. I like that her character is portrayed as someone taking a risk - by all her photojournalist exploits in Prague. I don`t like that she is always insecure of Tomas` infidelity but never once confronts him. Instead she runs away, every time. I also don`t like how she is portrayed to be so revolted by everything that`s physical - scars from her past due to the experiences with her mother. But I like how she is portrayed to have completely isolated the physical and emotional aspects of herself. In the later parts, she lives in the countryside having persuaded Tomas to let go of his fooling around with other women. To me, she is the ultimate character contradiction.
4.Dominique Francon (Fountainhead) - Somehow Fountainhead is what came to my mind uncalled for rather than Atlas Shrugged. I dont know why. I would never list either of these two books as my favorites or on the "re-read" list but the characters had quite the impact at that age - I was 20 when I read them. Dagny Traggart is very unrealistic and wants to destroy Roark because she wants his greatness to succeed. And she wants herself to fail as well as a punishment to herself for trying to destroy Roark. Her masochist streak is the only realistic trait in an absolutely unrealistic woman.
...........to be continued....
1. Karla Saarnen (Shantaram) - Beautiful, clever, smart and complicated. Her wisdom is the reason for many of the unforgettable lines in the book. Mysterious, poignant and wise as well - one philosophical heroine(!).
2. Adah Price (Poisonwood Bible) - The twin who doesn't talk. In spite of this, her impact in the book is great. Extremely witty and smart, she has a life and spirit of her own, that the other 3 sisters don't exhibit.
3. Tereza (The Unbearable Lightness of Being) - I share a love-hate relationship with Tereza. I like her in many parts of the book while she displays some spirit and strength - she just practices detachment from him. I like that her character is portrayed as someone taking a risk - by all her photojournalist exploits in Prague. I don`t like that she is always insecure of Tomas` infidelity but never once confronts him. Instead she runs away, every time. I also don`t like how she is portrayed to be so revolted by everything that`s physical - scars from her past due to the experiences with her mother. But I like how she is portrayed to have completely isolated the physical and emotional aspects of herself. In the later parts, she lives in the countryside having persuaded Tomas to let go of his fooling around with other women. To me, she is the ultimate character contradiction.
4.Dominique Francon (Fountainhead) - Somehow Fountainhead is what came to my mind uncalled for rather than Atlas Shrugged. I dont know why. I would never list either of these two books as my favorites or on the "re-read" list but the characters had quite the impact at that age - I was 20 when I read them. Dagny Traggart is very unrealistic and wants to destroy Roark because she wants his greatness to succeed. And she wants herself to fail as well as a punishment to herself for trying to destroy Roark. Her masochist streak is the only realistic trait in an absolutely unrealistic woman.
...........to be continued....
My Knight(s) in shining armour.
For want of a better title, I use this highly trite one just because it conveys what I want to write here.
A list of my fave characters from the entertainment world - literary and reel. The actual character and not the protagonist who portrays it,in case of the reel world, actually! In no particular order, here we go!
1. Karthik in Mouna Ragam - Oh-isn`t that a no brainer! Brash, precocious, bad, persistent and so non-nonchalantly pursued Revathi......very atypical of Tamil cinema then. Yet a nice guy on the inside. And yes, he made me want more of him after his quick departure in the movie.
2. Karthik (Maddy) in Alaipayuthey - Dismissed him and the movie as so blah the first time I saw it. Was urged to revisit and glad that I did too. Classic Maniratnam romance but even more so classic film hero - boyishly charming, not brash but yet not scared to pursue what he wants against all odds. Of course also helps that Maddy looks his best there. :D.
3. Florentino Ariza - Call me mad but yes, he qualifies as character I am fond of. My fondness for this character is certainly biased by my love for the author and the novel. He is obsessive, crazily-impassioned and waits 50 years for Fermina....hoping her husband dies before either himself or Fermina...!!He is profound, no doubt, while this quality in real life would make me turn back and run, he is, thankfully, in a book.
4. Don Vito Corleone - The Godfather himself. I read the book much before I watched the movie. And I think the impact of the character completely hit me when I saw Brando on screen. Powerful, ruthless, but still plays by his rules. Works for me. :D.
5. Michael (Surya) in Aayutha Ezuthu - Radical and revolutionary, practical, passionate but actually all heart. All at the same time. I am hooked, line & sinker. :D. Inba (Maddy) follows closely but Michael trumps him because of his uniqueness. Inba, after all, is just the regular filmy hitman villian.
6. Lin (Shantaram) -An outlaw with a philosophical outlook. Loyal and true to his friends. Versatile enough to be anything from a mafia don to slum dweller. Enough said. :D
7. Joker in Batman Series - Do I really look like a guy with a plan? My fave comic book villain. I don't think I have read in the comics how or what his history/background is. But it all came alive in the movie. In the books, as far as I can remember, I haven't read any in which he comes across as extremely violent - more of a practical joker type villain. But then again, I guess he is as versatile as comic-book characters get.
8. Ajay Rathod (Aamir) in Sarfarosh - Brave, dashing, dedicated but in a normal boy next door way. His character justified the whole background of the movie so well.
9. Last but not the least - Calvin! - Yes. comics are a part of the literary world. :D. And Calvin does qualify to be a knight in shining armor - albeit 20 years too young to be one! But adorable, precocious, mischievous, troublesome....Calvinsms happen to be my fave adages that I d gladly live by any day!
I bet I can come up with more if I sleep over it. But I am going to stop with this. And the feminist(!) in me shall devote two separate posts of fair ladies - one in the literary world and another in the reel, separately. After all, we women, are the choicest influences, aren`t we?:D.
Over and Out
Bugs
5. Michael (Surya) in Aayutha Ezuthu - Radical and revolutionary, practical, passionate but actually all heart. All at the same time. I am hooked, line & sinker. :D. Inba (Maddy) follows closely but Michael trumps him because of his uniqueness. Inba, after all, is just the regular filmy hitman villian.
6. Lin (Shantaram) -An outlaw with a philosophical outlook. Loyal and true to his friends. Versatile enough to be anything from a mafia don to slum dweller. Enough said. :D
7. Joker in Batman Series - Do I really look like a guy with a plan? My fave comic book villain. I don't think I have read in the comics how or what his history/background is. But it all came alive in the movie. In the books, as far as I can remember, I haven't read any in which he comes across as extremely violent - more of a practical joker type villain. But then again, I guess he is as versatile as comic-book characters get.
8. Ajay Rathod (Aamir) in Sarfarosh - Brave, dashing, dedicated but in a normal boy next door way. His character justified the whole background of the movie so well.
9. Last but not the least - Calvin! - Yes. comics are a part of the literary world. :D. And Calvin does qualify to be a knight in shining armor - albeit 20 years too young to be one! But adorable, precocious, mischievous, troublesome....Calvinsms happen to be my fave adages that I d gladly live by any day!
I bet I can come up with more if I sleep over it. But I am going to stop with this. And the feminist(!) in me shall devote two separate posts of fair ladies - one in the literary world and another in the reel, separately. After all, we women, are the choicest influences, aren`t we?:D.
Over and Out
Bugs
When I tracked my new laptop shipment, it said out for delivery. And then I looked at the date today...
It made me think "how freakishly awesome would that be if....."?? But Alas! no....it is a week too early for it!!
Before you think I have gone kooky due to overexposure to the sun...see this. That would explain everything.
The new laptop *drumrolls* finally is going to be here today.
Over & out
Bugs
It made me think "how freakishly awesome would that be if....."?? But Alas! no....it is a week too early for it!!
Before you think I have gone kooky due to overexposure to the sun...see this. That would explain everything.
The new laptop *drumrolls* finally is going to be here today.
Over & out
Bugs
I am taking up a challenge...a challenge of posting something daily for the next 30 days. Personally, I know, I want to write and I have a few ideas in mind. But inertia sets in and I procrastinate, as I do with everything else. So here I go, solemnly vow that I will post daily for the next 30 days - may not be very long, earth-shattering or Pulitzer-worthy, but Hey! I am posting!! which is a start in itself.
Over and Out
Bugs
Over and Out
Bugs
This and that...
I wish I could go back to the time when the biggest impending change in my life was getting a new Math teacher or the fact that a friend was moving to another neighborhood. But life cannot be ctrl-Z`d, so here we are.....coping with change.....
I have grown to realize that I am very widely a creature of status-quo (I don't think habit is the right word). I take comfort in in-transient phases, even those that aren`t necessarily good, I just fall into a rut and work towards improving the situation. Then, as I just fall into routine doing it, and wake up too late to realize its probably not in my hands at all and wasn`t in the first place. Hence, impending change, even good, tends to send me into long-drawn out bouts of rumination (rumination of the mixed feelings type). And as the universe holds out for me, major changes in the past few years have been very few and they certainly did not seem good then. To name one, I have been in the same place - in a twenty mile radius since I landed in the US 5 years back! But this time around - deep within, I get this gut feeling that change will be good - for the most part. Why for the most part? - because the rest of it is just "fear of the unknown" - which again - is a small part.
The past week has seen the heights of solitude from my side - due to cell phone failure. Not that I am surrounded by people otherwise or I am on the phone all the time. But it gave me a lot of chance to wallow in my own thoughts - I do that otherwise too, perhaps not on such a long drawn out scale.The first 36 hours without the phone seemed good, after that I couldn`t take it myself. (Digression. Back to the post.).
Also, did not help that I was reading the "Unbearable Lightness of Being" at this time. I am reading it as slowly as I can. Because I seem to stop reading and start thinking. And that happens more than actually reading it. I don't obviously identify myself with the characters of Tomes or Tereza, so far (I am only half way through the book - I like it already!), but I can feel a kind of kinship with what they are going through. There is a direct correlation to what I read, what I think and what I get from any book. I have known to interpret books differently from the different times I read them - in different states of mind, I would think its the same way for most. For example, Life of Pi. I read it first time on a train (I like to call this the "the control"). Next I repeated it while in the US, during a high-stress project period at work, while sleep was eluding me. The results of this duplicate experiment was quite surprising!! It required a highly overworked state of mind to get the whole essence of the book. Control experiments are great - even to get to my own psyche!
Otherwise...been sustaining regular, intense workouts (Shh!No jinxing it!). Actually even eating right (except this past weekend).
Currently playing on my list: Petty, Pearl Jam and Raavan!
Keeping up with my track record, all it takes is one exam the next day to inspire a deep post!!!
Over & Out!
Bugs
I have grown to realize that I am very widely a creature of status-quo (I don't think habit is the right word). I take comfort in in-transient phases, even those that aren`t necessarily good, I just fall into a rut and work towards improving the situation. Then, as I just fall into routine doing it, and wake up too late to realize its probably not in my hands at all and wasn`t in the first place. Hence, impending change, even good, tends to send me into long-drawn out bouts of rumination (rumination of the mixed feelings type). And as the universe holds out for me, major changes in the past few years have been very few and they certainly did not seem good then. To name one, I have been in the same place - in a twenty mile radius since I landed in the US 5 years back! But this time around - deep within, I get this gut feeling that change will be good - for the most part. Why for the most part? - because the rest of it is just "fear of the unknown" - which again - is a small part.
The past week has seen the heights of solitude from my side - due to cell phone failure. Not that I am surrounded by people otherwise or I am on the phone all the time. But it gave me a lot of chance to wallow in my own thoughts - I do that otherwise too, perhaps not on such a long drawn out scale.The first 36 hours without the phone seemed good, after that I couldn`t take it myself. (Digression. Back to the post.).
Also, did not help that I was reading the "Unbearable Lightness of Being" at this time. I am reading it as slowly as I can. Because I seem to stop reading and start thinking. And that happens more than actually reading it. I don't obviously identify myself with the characters of Tomes or Tereza, so far (I am only half way through the book - I like it already!), but I can feel a kind of kinship with what they are going through. There is a direct correlation to what I read, what I think and what I get from any book. I have known to interpret books differently from the different times I read them - in different states of mind, I would think its the same way for most. For example, Life of Pi. I read it first time on a train (I like to call this the "the control"). Next I repeated it while in the US, during a high-stress project period at work, while sleep was eluding me. The results of this duplicate experiment was quite surprising!! It required a highly overworked state of mind to get the whole essence of the book. Control experiments are great - even to get to my own psyche!
Otherwise...been sustaining regular, intense workouts (Shh!No jinxing it!). Actually even eating right (except this past weekend).
Currently playing on my list: Petty, Pearl Jam and Raavan!
Keeping up with my track record, all it takes is one exam the next day to inspire a deep post!!!
Over & Out!
Bugs
My Pensieve...so to speak.
Apparently started talking at 11 months, during a family vacation. The popular joke is that I haven't stopped since. My first words were the name of a popular newsreader on Doordarshan then. Pointed her out on TV and spoke her name.
The first memory of my cousins that I have is a vague image of S, K and me standing in the balcony of our hotel in Kanyakumari watching sunrise or something. Again, I was a little over 3 years old.
When I was 3, I lifted my Thathi`s (maternal grandma) cat Julie by the ears and triumphantly walked into the kitchen. Thathi who has making coffee dropped the tumbler of milk she was holding.
Going to my Mom's place, I was (and still am) some kind of top dog (being the first grandchild). I remember V mama and R mama playing a "game of guess the ad in the newspaper/mag" by covering most of it and showing an obscure part in some corner. Considering I was 3 or lesser, I got most of it right in first try and had better powers of observation than I do now. Shame.
V mama would also make me write (by holding my hand). I was put into regular school at 2.5 years. Go figure. And 25 odd years later, I am still in school. :P
He was also the only person I was scared of and would listen to. (Perhaps I still am, but its mostly respect and awe).
When my grandfather (mom's dad) died, I was 4. I have no recollection of this except some vague memory of having got up extremely early in the morning and catching my Thathi cry a lot after it, and me actually consoling her.
I remember having a splinter of wood from an agarbathi (incense stick) get into my finger. I also remember an iron filing get into my finger from some rusted play equipment. In two different incidents of course.
I don't ever recall my mom/dad ever reading out to me. I remember my mom telling me stories (I was probably 5-6) to make me eat and they were always "how cadbury chocolate"/icecream/cotton candy" is made. All concocted (Sorry!couldn't resist.:D) with interesting embellishments added of course. She told me when I started school that she had to leave for work too in the mornings and that I should learn to eat on my own.So such story telling sessions were reserved for dinner.
When I was in UKG, I used to walk back from school with R. We would talk a lot, but I can't recollect what. What I do remember is I would keep telling her "there are rats in my kitchen. If you come home, they will catch you". Which actually scared her and we would always end up playing outside or in her house.
I remember one major childhood injury. It was annual exams and I was in Std 3. I was running and fell on the tar road. I had a big wound on my nose whose scar took very long to disappear. The scars on my legs also took ages to fade. I also had another big scar from a TVS 50 silencer burn on my right leg that I got when I was in Std 4 that has just faded now.
I hardly ever remember watching TV while growing up, atleast till 7-8 Std I guess. All I did was come home, throw my bag, change (sometimes even ignore Paati`s threats to change out of the uniform) and rush out to play.
I remember my Paati taking me to Veena Maami`s place while I was in 3 rd std and telling her that she had to put my "restless hands" (really!verbatim!) to good use. I hated it then. But I am so glad for it now.
My Paati was a very good singer. I remember my seeing my extended family aunts at home sometimes when I returned from school in the afternoon to learn music from her.
When I was younger and people asked me if I ever wanted a brother or sis, I always came back saying, I wanted neither! and its been that way for the most part of my life.
I remember moving into palmgrove when I was in Std 3. And making friends when S burst a cracker on the bonnet of my dad`s car (or rather was framed for it by another kid).
I remember striking a deal with my mom in Std 4 to get me a barbie doll + the armiore set if I stood first in class. And last I checked 5 years back, I still had them. Subsequently, I also added a sofabed and a kitchen set by the same means to my collection. :D. It was also the last time I got toys as bribes/rewards/gifts. I asked for and got books later.
I used to be a very voracious and a precocious reader. Something my parents were happy about initially. Then they saw the downside. There was nothing I wouldn`t read. As a result, every novel/mag they brought home to read was QED by me before they got to it and even realized it. Nothing they could do about it. I am talking about reading Femina/Womens Eras as early as my 4th std, James Hadley Chase in std 7, robin cook in 8 (though I re-read those in 11/12th std). Innocence lost way too early. Apart from these few foibles, I grew to realize the value of reading and learnt to recognize good writing pretty early.
Till std 10, I breezed through class with very less effort. The little effort I used to put in was for math (that too under a lot insistence from mom). Class 11 was a different story altogether - I hated the fact that I had to study. Rebelled against it by not studying, but found it came back to bite me, hard.
I was a part of every culturals - interhouse, interschool - you name it till 10th std. They saw a little decrease in 11-12 std and a peak in college again. I remember my very first extempore speech (class 8?) was on "encounter with a celebrity" that I won the first place for. The school I started off in and mom (who was very interested !!) probably hoisted me up on stage as soon as I could walk/talk. For a person who freaks out for everything, I surprisingly have no stage fear and I am very thankful to them!
I remember being reprimanded by teachers for every possible thing till my 10th std. But I belonged to a class that was notorious. At least a big portion of it. One major incident was being pulled up for giggling while singing the national anthem OVER THE MIC while in the school choir!And again laughing while the principal was scolding me for it. The whole giggling episode stemming from the fact that we had a whole dirty spoof version of the anthem going around in class. And yes. Years later now I feel ashamed being in cahoots for spoofing out our anthem - I remember it being pretty dirty. Can`t recall specifics though.
I went on every outstation school excursion starting from class 5!!Immense fun and actually made me think packing was fun - still do!!:D
I remember missing my paternal grandparents terribly when they passed away - both when I was in class 9 - in a span of 6 months. And thus beginning an era of latchkey-dom.
I remember slapping my classmate for something she said out of a terrible temper and beating up a boy in class - again things I am not proud of.
I hated school in Std 11 & 12. The only thing that made school bearable was the 3 km odd cycle ride. Some interesting times riding to and fro from school. School stifled whatever little creativity I had, and imposed stupid rules that made me hate studying even more (if that was possible). It was a far cry from the (comparatively) liberal school I had been to till std 10.
There are of course other memories, but I'm going to stop with this since I need to keep up a sense of the mystic ;)...or maybe I just got bored to ramble more on. :D.
And I tag you. Lets see if you really come up with something.
Over and Out
Bugs
The first memory of my cousins that I have is a vague image of S, K and me standing in the balcony of our hotel in Kanyakumari watching sunrise or something. Again, I was a little over 3 years old.
When I was 3, I lifted my Thathi`s (maternal grandma) cat Julie by the ears and triumphantly walked into the kitchen. Thathi who has making coffee dropped the tumbler of milk she was holding.
Going to my Mom's place, I was (and still am) some kind of top dog (being the first grandchild). I remember V mama and R mama playing a "game of guess the ad in the newspaper/mag" by covering most of it and showing an obscure part in some corner. Considering I was 3 or lesser, I got most of it right in first try and had better powers of observation than I do now. Shame.
V mama would also make me write (by holding my hand). I was put into regular school at 2.5 years. Go figure. And 25 odd years later, I am still in school. :P
He was also the only person I was scared of and would listen to. (Perhaps I still am, but its mostly respect and awe).
When my grandfather (mom's dad) died, I was 4. I have no recollection of this except some vague memory of having got up extremely early in the morning and catching my Thathi cry a lot after it, and me actually consoling her.
I remember having a splinter of wood from an agarbathi (incense stick) get into my finger. I also remember an iron filing get into my finger from some rusted play equipment. In two different incidents of course.
I don't ever recall my mom/dad ever reading out to me. I remember my mom telling me stories (I was probably 5-6) to make me eat and they were always "how cadbury chocolate"/icecream/cotton candy" is made. All concocted (Sorry!couldn't resist.:D) with interesting embellishments added of course. She told me when I started school that she had to leave for work too in the mornings and that I should learn to eat on my own.So such story telling sessions were reserved for dinner.
When I was in UKG, I used to walk back from school with R. We would talk a lot, but I can't recollect what. What I do remember is I would keep telling her "there are rats in my kitchen. If you come home, they will catch you". Which actually scared her and we would always end up playing outside or in her house.
I remember one major childhood injury. It was annual exams and I was in Std 3. I was running and fell on the tar road. I had a big wound on my nose whose scar took very long to disappear. The scars on my legs also took ages to fade. I also had another big scar from a TVS 50 silencer burn on my right leg that I got when I was in Std 4 that has just faded now.
I hardly ever remember watching TV while growing up, atleast till 7-8 Std I guess. All I did was come home, throw my bag, change (sometimes even ignore Paati`s threats to change out of the uniform) and rush out to play.
I remember my Paati taking me to Veena Maami`s place while I was in 3 rd std and telling her that she had to put my "restless hands" (really!verbatim!) to good use. I hated it then. But I am so glad for it now.
My Paati was a very good singer. I remember my seeing my extended family aunts at home sometimes when I returned from school in the afternoon to learn music from her.
When I was younger and people asked me if I ever wanted a brother or sis, I always came back saying, I wanted neither! and its been that way for the most part of my life.
I remember moving into palmgrove when I was in Std 3. And making friends when S burst a cracker on the bonnet of my dad`s car (or rather was framed for it by another kid).
I remember striking a deal with my mom in Std 4 to get me a barbie doll + the armiore set if I stood first in class. And last I checked 5 years back, I still had them. Subsequently, I also added a sofabed and a kitchen set by the same means to my collection. :D. It was also the last time I got toys as bribes/rewards/gifts. I asked for and got books later.
I used to be a very voracious and a precocious reader. Something my parents were happy about initially. Then they saw the downside. There was nothing I wouldn`t read. As a result, every novel/mag they brought home to read was QED by me before they got to it and even realized it. Nothing they could do about it. I am talking about reading Femina/Womens Eras as early as my 4th std, James Hadley Chase in std 7, robin cook in 8 (though I re-read those in 11/12th std). Innocence lost way too early. Apart from these few foibles, I grew to realize the value of reading and learnt to recognize good writing pretty early.
Till std 10, I breezed through class with very less effort. The little effort I used to put in was for math (that too under a lot insistence from mom). Class 11 was a different story altogether - I hated the fact that I had to study. Rebelled against it by not studying, but found it came back to bite me, hard.
I was a part of every culturals - interhouse, interschool - you name it till 10th std. They saw a little decrease in 11-12 std and a peak in college again. I remember my very first extempore speech (class 8?) was on "encounter with a celebrity" that I won the first place for. The school I started off in and mom (who was very interested !!) probably hoisted me up on stage as soon as I could walk/talk. For a person who freaks out for everything, I surprisingly have no stage fear and I am very thankful to them!
I remember being reprimanded by teachers for every possible thing till my 10th std. But I belonged to a class that was notorious. At least a big portion of it. One major incident was being pulled up for giggling while singing the national anthem OVER THE MIC while in the school choir!And again laughing while the principal was scolding me for it. The whole giggling episode stemming from the fact that we had a whole dirty spoof version of the anthem going around in class. And yes. Years later now I feel ashamed being in cahoots for spoofing out our anthem - I remember it being pretty dirty. Can`t recall specifics though.
I went on every outstation school excursion starting from class 5!!Immense fun and actually made me think packing was fun - still do!!:D
I remember missing my paternal grandparents terribly when they passed away - both when I was in class 9 - in a span of 6 months. And thus beginning an era of latchkey-dom.
I remember slapping my classmate for something she said out of a terrible temper and beating up a boy in class - again things I am not proud of.
I hated school in Std 11 & 12. The only thing that made school bearable was the 3 km odd cycle ride. Some interesting times riding to and fro from school. School stifled whatever little creativity I had, and imposed stupid rules that made me hate studying even more (if that was possible). It was a far cry from the (comparatively) liberal school I had been to till std 10.
There are of course other memories, but I'm going to stop with this since I need to keep up a sense of the mystic ;)...or maybe I just got bored to ramble more on. :D.
And I tag you. Lets see if you really come up with something.
Over and Out
Bugs
2009 and what I got out of it.
I was talking to V the other day about how its that time of the year to write that customary end of year post. He was saying that if it was just customary then I could go without writing it. I gave him a reason (I told him that the reason of writing it was getting closure!) that seemed highly sensationalized and preposterous then. Later when I thought about writing the post and reasons for doing so, it seemed to make sense and actually have a point unlike many of my other posts.
I usually spend all of 10 minutes composing the year that was posts over the last few times. This year around, I decided to give it more time and it actually sat in my drafts for a few days before seeing the light of the blogosphere.
I don't know where to start. And I don't know what to write. Considering the long preamble, I don't want to make it a bullet-style post. So actually putting in more thought than a year end post actually warrants, well, mainly because it has been that kind of an year. Typically, I also don't like it when an year ends; only because, it seems like time is flying by and along with it, growing up and growing old, eventually. And with that comes decisions. Not like I don't want to make decisions. No, I mostly like them because they let me be in control of my own life. I only don't like them when I have to make a decision and I am given no choice. And it has happened more than once this year. And it makes me feel like I don't deserve anything that I have worked for all these years. All this said, the crux is that I am glad to see this year come to an end. Then again not necessary that the year ending has to mean that things have to or will get better necessarily; just the fact that proverbial starts and ends (including those of years, days etc) invoke some reaction in humankind, mostly positive.
If I can say anything about 2009 for me, it is that I saw change. and still see it. Change is good as long as it hasn`t been thrust upon you by someone, shoved down your throat, and that too when the perpetrator is not sure of it either. Change is good as long as it doesnt make you every single day wondering how you will get through it. Change is good as long as it doesn`t leave you without stripping you of your sanity or self confidence for that matter. Change is good as long as only one aspect of your life changes for the worse at any given point of time.
But life aint a bed of roses. And all you can do finally is say "it is what it is". But what you can do is learn something out of it. Analyze the scenario, bisect, disect, mutilate, put under a microscope, postmortem every single incident to figure out and unearth nuances. And that is what I did. And this is what I came up with:
1. My perspectives have changed. While they (should) change, with every passing year or age, the magnitude of the change is exponential and not for the better in certain aspects. Which is not a bad thing necessarily. It makes me a much bigger cynic and sceptic than before (I did not think that was possible!!LOL). But I know better now.
2. My perceptions have changed (obviously!)
3. Everything in life is subject to the questions: "At what/whose cost?. At the end of the day, no one is indispensable.
4. Unconditional love is a f%^&*$# load of f%$^&*$ bullshit. People are ok when it comes to receiving and basking in it, and not while giving it.
5. My belief system, well, lets put it this way, is currently non existant.
6. I am so much more driven and ambitious than I realized myself.
7. Never imagined how confident having a strong career at hand makes me feel.
8. My ability to bounce back scares me. Makes me think I am not as deep as I have always been told I am.
9. How much people who dont stand up for what they beleive in (still) disappoint me.
10. How much integrity, respect for others` time, deadlines, choices, ideals, ideas and goals always seem to be a point of considerationonly for me only for very few people. I would think it would be important when it is of someone who (supposedly) means a lot to you.
11. My belief of how if you worked hard enough for it, you always got it took a hit and made me realize that things like destiny, luck etc etc actually exist.
12. How certain people miraculously turn into pillars of support. You all know who you are. And you helped me much more than you can ever imagine.
The one thing that gives me utmost happiness and satisfaction is the fact that I gave everything I did over the year my entire being regardless of anything else and managed to keep my head from drowning when the floods hit the roof.
That, my friend, is reason enough for me to celebrate.
Happy Holidays everybody.
Over & Out
Bugs
I usually spend all of 10 minutes composing the year that was posts over the last few times. This year around, I decided to give it more time and it actually sat in my drafts for a few days before seeing the light of the blogosphere.
I don't know where to start. And I don't know what to write. Considering the long preamble, I don't want to make it a bullet-style post. So actually putting in more thought than a year end post actually warrants, well, mainly because it has been that kind of an year. Typically, I also don't like it when an year ends; only because, it seems like time is flying by and along with it, growing up and growing old, eventually. And with that comes decisions. Not like I don't want to make decisions. No, I mostly like them because they let me be in control of my own life. I only don't like them when I have to make a decision and I am given no choice. And it has happened more than once this year. And it makes me feel like I don't deserve anything that I have worked for all these years. All this said, the crux is that I am glad to see this year come to an end. Then again not necessary that the year ending has to mean that things have to or will get better necessarily; just the fact that proverbial starts and ends (including those of years, days etc) invoke some reaction in humankind, mostly positive.
If I can say anything about 2009 for me, it is that I saw change. and still see it. Change is good as long as it hasn`t been thrust upon you by someone, shoved down your throat, and that too when the perpetrator is not sure of it either. Change is good as long as it doesnt make you every single day wondering how you will get through it. Change is good as long as it doesn`t leave you without stripping you of your sanity or self confidence for that matter. Change is good as long as only one aspect of your life changes for the worse at any given point of time.
But life aint a bed of roses. And all you can do finally is say "it is what it is". But what you can do is learn something out of it. Analyze the scenario, bisect, disect, mutilate, put under a microscope, postmortem every single incident to figure out and unearth nuances. And that is what I did. And this is what I came up with:
1. My perspectives have changed. While they (should) change, with every passing year or age, the magnitude of the change is exponential and not for the better in certain aspects. Which is not a bad thing necessarily. It makes me a much bigger cynic and sceptic than before (I did not think that was possible!!LOL). But I know better now.
2. My perceptions have changed (obviously!)
3. Everything in life is subject to the questions: "At what/whose cost?. At the end of the day, no one is indispensable.
4. Unconditional love is a f%^&*$# load of f%$^&*$ bullshit. People are ok when it comes to receiving and basking in it, and not while giving it.
5. My belief system, well, lets put it this way, is currently non existant.
6. I am so much more driven and ambitious than I realized myself.
7. Never imagined how confident having a strong career at hand makes me feel.
8. My ability to bounce back scares me. Makes me think I am not as deep as I have always been told I am.
9. How much people who dont stand up for what they beleive in (still) disappoint me.
10. How much integrity, respect for others` time, deadlines, choices, ideals, ideas and goals always seem to be a point of consideration
11. My belief of how if you worked hard enough for it, you always got it took a hit and made me realize that things like destiny, luck etc etc actually exist.
12. How certain people miraculously turn into pillars of support. You all know who you are. And you helped me much more than you can ever imagine.
The one thing that gives me utmost happiness and satisfaction is the fact that I gave everything I did over the year my entire being regardless of anything else and managed to keep my head from drowning when the floods hit the roof.
That, my friend, is reason enough for me to celebrate.
Happy Holidays everybody.
Over & Out
Bugs
List Mania!
Things I Have Done!!!!!
(Simple enough.... bold the ones you've done, italicize the ones you want to!)
here goes..................
01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive.... ooh, so want to do this!
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (hope showers count)
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (I hope tomatoes and mint count!)
19. Touched an iceberg.
20. Slept under the stars (In a tent ok?)
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse (even if it was only $1)
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (there are sick days for sick people too?)
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice (Seems interesting!!!)
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetised your records (and CD's and tapes and and and...)
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog (double emphasis!)(Many times!!)
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better - NOT YET!!BUT SOON!
84. Started a business (does a stall in the school fair count?)
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
What are yours?? :D
over and out
bugs
(Simple enough.... bold the ones you've done, italicize the ones you want to!)
here goes..................
01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive.... ooh, so want to do this!
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (hope showers count)
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (I hope tomatoes and mint count!)
19. Touched an iceberg.
20. Slept under the stars (In a tent ok?)
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse (even if it was only $1)
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (there are sick days for sick people too?)
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice (Seems interesting!!!)
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetised your records (and CD's and tapes and and and...)
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog (double emphasis!)(Many times!!)
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better - NOT YET!!BUT SOON!
84. Started a business (does a stall in the school fair count?)
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
What are yours?? :D
over and out
bugs
If life had an OST....
Why do some songs feel like they are the OSTs of my life different times? Right now...
"I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong."
~ Queen,Too much love will kill you.
Back to Palos Verde Shelf Superfund evaluation....
Over & Out
Bugs
"I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong."
~ Queen,Too much love will kill you.
Back to Palos Verde Shelf Superfund evaluation....
Over & Out
Bugs
Retrospection
Ok. I well and truly did not know what to title this post. But I have thought so much about this and I am now totally puzzled.
It is so refreshing and heartening when someone does something that increases my regard for them so much. Not that I did not already adore and respect the person. But certain acts/words are so effective that its like a reflex reaction that I can`t but regard him more. And when it involves immense guts, chalk up a double dose of regard from me! As I always say and have blogged about it before, I continually need something like this to restore my faith in people. Where I have only seen in the past few months that people who mattered to me fell so much from the place I had for them, made me lose the level of respect, adoration and admiration I had for them, such teeny weeny events are a big leap for me.
In my case, this regard/respect for a person is linked so much his/her integrity. From this stems trust. And when someone who matters falls from the place/respect/regard I hold for him/her, it weakens my belief system. And that causes me to judge them for what they did.....much against my better judgment.
And when such little acts happen, it causes me to think. So much so that it drains me out. And its harder because my mind is at work and my brain is cranking underneath the normal facade I am trying to maintain.
A depth of personality and character is hard to find. Mainly because the person has been judged and the case closed before the depth has been assessed. Only those who stay long enough to see the core are lucky to get to know the person completely.
I am lost for words beyond this. I think is enough psychobabble for one post.
Over and Out
Bugs
It is so refreshing and heartening when someone does something that increases my regard for them so much. Not that I did not already adore and respect the person. But certain acts/words are so effective that its like a reflex reaction that I can`t but regard him more. And when it involves immense guts, chalk up a double dose of regard from me! As I always say and have blogged about it before, I continually need something like this to restore my faith in people. Where I have only seen in the past few months that people who mattered to me fell so much from the place I had for them, made me lose the level of respect, adoration and admiration I had for them, such teeny weeny events are a big leap for me.
In my case, this regard/respect for a person is linked so much his/her integrity. From this stems trust. And when someone who matters falls from the place/respect/regard I hold for him/her, it weakens my belief system. And that causes me to judge them for what they did.....much against my better judgment.
And when such little acts happen, it causes me to think. So much so that it drains me out. And its harder because my mind is at work and my brain is cranking underneath the normal facade I am trying to maintain.
A depth of personality and character is hard to find. Mainly because the person has been judged and the case closed before the depth has been assessed. Only those who stay long enough to see the core are lucky to get to know the person completely.
I am lost for words beyond this. I think is enough psychobabble for one post.
Over and Out
Bugs
Solitude
Re posted from my old blog, just so that I don't lose it.
Silence, all around me,
As tranquil as it could be-
that I felt I could hear the grass grow.
Silence – that was music to my ears
Yet this music gives my eyes, tears.
Not a single soul in my vision,
Only the grass stretched endlessly,
Or so it seemed.
And me, the sole inhabitant
Of my own kingdom,
Reveled in the company of only my thoughts.
This feeling I crave for
And yet detest
When loneliness envelops me
Like a shroud on a dead.
As I gaze into oblivion,
Solitude puzzles me -
A feeling that nobody’s there,
And yet everybody I need is present!
Silence, all around me,
As tranquil as it could be-
that I felt I could hear the grass grow.
Silence – that was music to my ears
Yet this music gives my eyes, tears.
Not a single soul in my vision,
Only the grass stretched endlessly,
Or so it seemed.
And me, the sole inhabitant
Of my own kingdom,
Reveled in the company of only my thoughts.
This feeling I crave for
And yet detest
When loneliness envelops me
Like a shroud on a dead.
As I gaze into oblivion,
Solitude puzzles me -
A feeling that nobody’s there,
And yet everybody I need is present!
Enigma
Something I wrote for some poetry event (can`t remember what) and as usual never sent it in. Found it in my drafts today. So posting it.
She floats into the room,
Many eyes turn to look at her.
While all look, some strive to see,
what lies beneath.
She boldly meets your eyes, but
they only mirror you.
You feel like you have bared your soul,
and been stripped from within.
She is cloaked in beauty -
Deep and mystic,
Shrouded in charm so magnetic -
you are caught in her spell,
in a dizzy surrender,
down you plunge,
you want to run,for help -
But you are rooted.
You can`t help but notice her,
You can touch her but you cannot feel,
She`s frigid but you feel the heat -
But it sends icy shivers down your spine.
She`s smooth and sleek as black velvet,
bathed in dark, pale moonlight.
Yet she shimmers like a mirage,
on a bright hot day.
And then you realize,
she is all but an illusion,
She stands right in front of you,
yet she could be as well an invisible force,
And then it hits you,
She is an Enigma!
She floats into the room,
Many eyes turn to look at her.
While all look, some strive to see,
what lies beneath.
She boldly meets your eyes, but
they only mirror you.
You feel like you have bared your soul,
and been stripped from within.
She is cloaked in beauty -
Deep and mystic,
Shrouded in charm so magnetic -
you are caught in her spell,
in a dizzy surrender,
down you plunge,
you want to run,for help -
But you are rooted.
You can`t help but notice her,
You can touch her but you cannot feel,
She`s frigid but you feel the heat -
But it sends icy shivers down your spine.
She`s smooth and sleek as black velvet,
bathed in dark, pale moonlight.
Yet she shimmers like a mirage,
on a bright hot day.
And then you realize,
she is all but an illusion,
She stands right in front of you,
yet she could be as well an invisible force,
And then it hits you,
She is an Enigma!
So near, so near all the time, for far too long...
But yet so far.
And now, far away, far away, so far away
But yet so near.
That is what we skeptics call "story of our lives". Some believers may refer to it as "irony", "destiny" and other such similar terms. I could call it coincidence, but it just takes away that hint of the mystic which I would prefer to have at least for future story-telling rights on the blog, one way or the other.
But yet so far.
And now, far away, far away, so far away
But yet so near.
That is what we skeptics call "story of our lives". Some believers may refer to it as "irony", "destiny" and other such similar terms. I could call it coincidence, but it just takes away that hint of the mystic which I would prefer to have at least for future story-telling rights on the blog, one way or the other.
Looking Forward
Have you ever experienced that part of your life when the days go by in sweet anticipation of something impending? Nothing seems like a chore, even the most dreary of the jobs get done with lesser effort because you keep telling yourself that event/day/days is just a few days/hours away. Its the time you don't find distraction a pain - it actually motivates you get things done, be super productive because again you tell yourself....soon!soon!.:)
Then the D-day/D-days (if its a vacation/someone visiting etc) finally arrives. And it goes by smoothly. You have fun, loads of it. Then you reluctantly return to whatever it is that you do usually. You have withdrawal effects, hangover of the days, sweet memories, thoughts etc and the next few days go by that way. Then you miss the place/people/person who you were with/who visited you and think about them/him/her. A few days go by like this - you get work done but reluctantly. Then drudgery sets in as usual until something else to anticipate comes up. Then the same story repeats itself again.
Now what`s the whole point of this post? Does it have one in the first place? Well, to say that I haven't experienced the whole gamut of these emotions in a long time (for a good few months) which just means I did not have much to look forward to and with the months of nov-dec, I usually do - (with what the holidays and people visiting me and me visiting others), I hope this year will be no different and keep me motivated and social and keep the strong urge to sink into my shell far away!!
Over & Out
Bugs
Then the D-day/D-days (if its a vacation/someone visiting etc) finally arrives. And it goes by smoothly. You have fun, loads of it. Then you reluctantly return to whatever it is that you do usually. You have withdrawal effects, hangover of the days, sweet memories, thoughts etc and the next few days go by that way. Then you miss the place/people/person who you were with/who visited you and think about them/him/her. A few days go by like this - you get work done but reluctantly. Then drudgery sets in as usual until something else to anticipate comes up. Then the same story repeats itself again.
Now what`s the whole point of this post? Does it have one in the first place? Well, to say that I haven't experienced the whole gamut of these emotions in a long time (for a good few months) which just means I did not have much to look forward to and with the months of nov-dec, I usually do - (with what the holidays and people visiting me and me visiting others), I hope this year will be no different and keep me motivated and social and keep the strong urge to sink into my shell far away!!
Over & Out
Bugs
In a nutshell....
Living,loving,wondering(why on earth I do these two), hoping, praying, wishing, pondering (about the purpose of these three), crying, laughing (for others` sake mostly),ruminating, reminiscing, traveling (down memory lane),hurting,learning,more learning,missing ,realizing,giving(thanks mostly),getting (frustrated and depressed mostly),more realizing, much more learning, feeling (rage mostly), feeling (sadness sometimes),regretting, growing (up mostly,old too),feeling (more rage),feeling (nothing at all),awakening, moving out, moving in, leaving (the past behind), cherishing, treasuring (those who matter so much)and last but not the least, moving on....
.........hereby ending (a long chapter in Bugs` Life).
Over and Out
Bugs
.........hereby ending (a long chapter in Bugs` Life).
Over and Out
Bugs
The Promise.
If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.
- Tracy Chapman.
*You nailed it when you wrote this song*.
Now you know why I absolutely love this one.
Over & Out
Bugs
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.
- Tracy Chapman.
*You nailed it when you wrote this song*.
Now you know why I absolutely love this one.
Over & Out
Bugs
Confessions of a Confused Mind.
When I saw him this time around in India, he looked the same from what he did 8-9 years ago. The same muscular frame, the same rugged look. He was on the other side of the road, I dont think he saw me. Even if he did, he might not have recognized me. After all, I was one of the many in his life......
The year was 1999-2000. I was a slightly plump, highly impressionable teenager, excited to start college. As I went by as usual on MG road one day,I happened to pass by this new place. It was a new business and something drew me to it so strongly. There was a sudden magnetic pull and I found myself walking in through the door. And there he was behind the desk. The pull was so strong that I felt a chill go through my spine. He welcomed me in and started talking to me. But he had a frown on his face. "But you are so young...are you sure? I am used to older women".
The experience was exhilarating. He was experienced, strong and undoubtedly very skilled. Every time it was a new high. I now experienced the weakening at the knees, total breathlessness, and a fluttering heart everytime. I also saw levels of exhaustion that I hadn't seen before (at least in the first couple of times!!!). I came back glowing and happy. I was looking better than before with each time. Friends,family,people started noticing it and remarked on how much better I looked.
But all things change. His business picked up. He got busy. He did not have as much time for us. As days went on, I still saw and spoke to him but he was preoccupied with his growing business. So I started looking for others. We still met, but there was nothing like before. One day, I thought I had found someone else...and told him so. He did not seem so upset...so I left him. I did call him a few weeks later, but he was very busy. I called again later but he now had a secretary and she said he would call me.But he did not. I put him behind me and moved on. But I still thought about him.
After him I went through Raj, K and even Sarala. Then later in the US there were other women - Misty,Nicole,Karen,Viola and Jackie. Viola came the closest to being as good as him. She got me going as much as he did. But it was very shortlived. I had to move and there was no way she was going with me. I thought I had found the perfect one after years. Alas!!!
They were all wonderful in their own ways but none close to my first gym instructor - Sekhar. He got me started on working out, the basics, the warm ups, the cool downs, aerobics... the whole works! I am grateful to him for instilling the interest in me.
What were you all thinking? Time to pick your minds up off the gutter...:P.
Over and Out
Bugs
The year was 1999-2000. I was a slightly plump, highly impressionable teenager, excited to start college. As I went by as usual on MG road one day,I happened to pass by this new place. It was a new business and something drew me to it so strongly. There was a sudden magnetic pull and I found myself walking in through the door. And there he was behind the desk. The pull was so strong that I felt a chill go through my spine. He welcomed me in and started talking to me. But he had a frown on his face. "But you are so young...are you sure? I am used to older women".
The experience was exhilarating. He was experienced, strong and undoubtedly very skilled. Every time it was a new high. I now experienced the weakening at the knees, total breathlessness, and a fluttering heart everytime. I also saw levels of exhaustion that I hadn't seen before (at least in the first couple of times!!!). I came back glowing and happy. I was looking better than before with each time. Friends,family,people started noticing it and remarked on how much better I looked.
But all things change. His business picked up. He got busy. He did not have as much time for us. As days went on, I still saw and spoke to him but he was preoccupied with his growing business. So I started looking for others. We still met, but there was nothing like before. One day, I thought I had found someone else...and told him so. He did not seem so upset...so I left him. I did call him a few weeks later, but he was very busy. I called again later but he now had a secretary and she said he would call me.But he did not. I put him behind me and moved on. But I still thought about him.
After him I went through Raj, K and even Sarala. Then later in the US there were other women - Misty,Nicole,Karen,Viola and Jackie. Viola came the closest to being as good as him. She got me going as much as he did. But it was very shortlived. I had to move and there was no way she was going with me. I thought I had found the perfect one after years. Alas!!!
They were all wonderful in their own ways but none close to my first gym instructor - Sekhar. He got me started on working out, the basics, the warm ups, the cool downs, aerobics... the whole works! I am grateful to him for instilling the interest in me.
What were you all thinking? Time to pick your minds up off the gutter...:P.
Over and Out
Bugs
25 Random Things About Me!!!
Reposted from Facebook Notes.
1. Darn!25 is a long list....gotto write...ok...first thing..Im easily distracted...hey!wait whats that on the side??.......
2. .....Except with books-my first love...I love reading. All genres,anything worth the time I giving it. I pulled night outs to finish books.
3. I am a control freak...(happy S?). But mostly for my own sake....I dont trouble others much..:P
4.I love to immerse myself in something or the other to the point of an obsession. I either dont do something or put everything into it...no in betweens in anything.
5.I have a fantastic long term memory. I can name unimportant dates and events and wht I wore/someone wore from years back.
6.I am freak injury prone..
7. I pretty much have the distinction of being very mediocre in every sport I can play/have played so far.except frisbee (if it can be called a sport).:D... But I love playing them and working out.
8. I was once upon a time a top ranker in the chennai city level scrabble tournament. Only for a year though:(
9. I have always wanted to be taller and thinner.
10. I am allergic to most types of mushrooms.
11. Im partially lactose intolerant.
12. I tried giving up processed food, but lasted only one day....
13. ........mainly because I love dark chocolate.
14. I am a chocolate puritan...I dont like to mix/layer/fill/top it with nuts,caramel,anything and destroy its purity.
15. I absolutely dont have a sweet tooth. Eat only desserts that have chocolate.
16. I LOVE bitter and sour tasting stuff.
17. One of my biggest quirks is seeing a tube of toothpaste not sqeezed from the bottom.
18.I knock on closed doors in my own house (if there is another person in the house that is).
19.I have more guy friends than girls. & I relate very well to people much older to me.
20.I have been told that I am the most impatient person that many people have seen/known.
21.I have watched only a couple of chick flicks and a few S&C episodes thanks only to S.
22.I LOVE heights,speed,steep climbs,plunges....amusement park rides - scarier the better!
23.I have been mostly successful in conquering my anger over many years now.
24. I love household gadgets. I have my dream vacuum cleaner, mixer-blender....:D..doesnt everybody?:P
25.I can watch blood/gore on TV to quite an extent but I cant watch anybody giving an injection/peircing someone with needles...surprisingly I can watch the doctor giving me an injection and not squirm!
1. Darn!25 is a long list....gotto write...ok...first thing..Im easily distracted...hey!wait whats that on the side??.......
2. .....Except with books-my first love...I love reading. All genres,anything worth the time I giving it. I pulled night outs to finish books.
3. I am a control freak...(happy S?). But mostly for my own sake....I dont trouble others much..:P
4.I love to immerse myself in something or the other to the point of an obsession. I either dont do something or put everything into it...no in betweens in anything.
5.I have a fantastic long term memory. I can name unimportant dates and events and wht I wore/someone wore from years back.
6.I am freak injury prone..
7. I pretty much have the distinction of being very mediocre in every sport I can play/have played so far.except frisbee (if it can be called a sport).:D... But I love playing them and working out.
8. I was once upon a time a top ranker in the chennai city level scrabble tournament. Only for a year though:(
9. I have always wanted to be taller and thinner.
10. I am allergic to most types of mushrooms.
11. Im partially lactose intolerant.
12. I tried giving up processed food, but lasted only one day....
13. ........mainly because I love dark chocolate.
14. I am a chocolate puritan...I dont like to mix/layer/fill/top it with nuts,caramel,anything and destroy its purity.
15. I absolutely dont have a sweet tooth. Eat only desserts that have chocolate.
16. I LOVE bitter and sour tasting stuff.
17. One of my biggest quirks is seeing a tube of toothpaste not sqeezed from the bottom.
18.I knock on closed doors in my own house (if there is another person in the house that is).
19.I have more guy friends than girls. & I relate very well to people much older to me.
20.I have been told that I am the most impatient person that many people have seen/known.
21.I have watched only a couple of chick flicks and a few S&C episodes thanks only to S.
22.I LOVE heights,speed,steep climbs,plunges....amusement park rides - scarier the better!
23.I have been mostly successful in conquering my anger over many years now.
24. I love household gadgets. I have my dream vacuum cleaner, mixer-blender....:D..doesnt everybody?:P
25.I can watch blood/gore on TV to quite an extent but I cant watch anybody giving an injection/peircing someone with needles...surprisingly I can watch the doctor giving me an injection and not squirm!
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