Bugs Life!: Venus Vs Mars

HMMMMMMM!!!!I wonder...

The AQUARIUS Man
All this time the Guard -was looking at her,
first through a telescope,
then through a microscope,
and then through an opera-glass.
At last he said, "You're traveling the wrong way,"
and shut up the window ...

To wade bravely smack dab into the center of the problem, don't expect an Aquarian male to behave the way people in love are supposed to behave. If you do, you're in for quite a jolt, maybe even a series of jolts. When it comes to friendship, he's all you could ask for in a pal or a con¬fidant. Love? Well, as an Aquarian I once knew said, "Any¬body can have a girl. But love is something else again." That was an astute observation. It's "something else," all right, with Aquarians.
It's when he acts as though he doesn't like you that he's close to being hooked, and the reason is elementary- simple logic. The Aquarian water bearer likes everybody. Everyone is his friend. He'll even refer to his worst enemy as "my friend." So it means something when he says he doesn't like someone. Just what it means may take some study. The various nuances can be complicated.
An Aquarian man doesn't want to reveal his true feel¬ings, in spite of his favorite pastime of penetrating the feel¬ings of others. His own reactions and motives are complex, and he intends to keep them that way for the pure pleasure of fooling you. Many strange experiences will come to this man, through both love and friendship, and he'll scrutinize each one avidly. Until you get him to the altar, you're just another experience, another experiment, hard as that may be to take. Don't sniffle. He can be tricked, for all his caution. But before you start tricking him, you'd better try to understand how to cope with his unique outlook about people.
He's a group man, and teamwork comes naturally to him. Aquarius understands the fair play rules of sports as if he had invented them, and he carries these rules into his personal relationships. His interests are scattered all over the place. That's because his love of people is so impersonal;
He gives a certain value to everyone he meets, while the rest of us save such efforts for only the very special people in our lives. To an Aquarian, everyone is special. And I mean everyone. Even those he hasn't met yet. Few Uranus men are either selfish or petty. When he does show those qualities, a gentle reminder that he's being narrow-minded will bring him around. Aquarians just can't stand to be called narrow-minded.
He responds to unusually high ideals, thanks to his rigid moral code (though you'd better understand that it's his own code, which may not necessarily reflect or correspond to the one accepted by society in general). He'll almost surely lead a life of change, controversy and unexpected events. Yet there will often be moments of perfect tranquility with him, impossible to find with any other Sun sign. Once he's over the shock that he's allowed him¬self to become interested in one woman above all of man¬kind, he can be an extremely considerate lover. The danger area is before he's over the shock. Since he's so accustomed to neglecting his own problems in the interest of the ma¬jority, hopefully some of this attitude will rub off on his love life. Don't count on it, though. The chances are just as good that he'll suddenly realize he's devoting his com¬plete loyalty to you when there are all those other name¬less faces out there who need him. Then he may lean over backwards to prove to himself that he hasn't lost his love for his friends and the rest of humanity by being attached to just one person.
Forever analyzing, the Aquarian man will frequently ask himself, "I wonder what she meant by that?" He won't rest until he finds out either. A puzzle drives him simply wild and don't be fooled by his nonchalance. When he senses something is hidden, he just won't sleep at night until he's unraveled the mystery and penetrated the veil. There's always the possibility that he might be disappointed in what he finds, so make sure it's worth discovering. If it isn't, he'll have no qualms about making it painfully evident-and off he'll go to unravel a new veil.
The girl who wants to land him eventually has first to intrigue him. An open book will never pique his curiosity.
He's attracted to closed pages, the more tightly closed, the better to arouse his detective instinct. When a female either ignores him or keeps her own counsel, in the beginning at least, his eyes will open" a little wider and hell get an alert expression, amazingly like that of a bloodhound on the scent of something missing. Why is she so emotional? (You can be emotional, you see, as long as you don't explain why.) Is she really so changeable or is it an act? Why does she wear all that perfume and make-up and such low-cut dresses, and then get insulted when those Leos and Sagittarians and Scorpios whistle at her in front of the drugstore? Does she want male advances or doesn't she? Is she a puritan or promiscuous? What makes her tick? As he probes and questions and examines, the girl is at first flattered, naturally-but when she sees he's just as intently curious about the waitress who just served them (not to mention the bus boy), she begins to cool somewhat. Feel¬ing like an insect trapped under a scientist's cold eye isn't exactly calculated to cause the heart to flutter in any feminine bosom. So she finally drifts (or runs) away to a more fiery or earthy male, and the Aquarian sadly sighs for an instant or two before he begins his next romantic investigation. (If some new invention or unique idea hasn't aroused his interest first. In which case the next female research project must wait.)
Aquarian men can be touchingly gentle and docile, but you'd better tie a bright blue electric string around your finger to remind you that his surface calmness is a mirage. So is his apparent pliability. He won't tolerate an ounce of opportunism from a female. If he thinks he's being ex¬ploited, that unpredictable Uranian charm can vanish so quickly you'll think Cary Grant has turned into James Cagney, poised to throw a grapefruit-half in your face. The frightening thing is that an extremely upset Aquarian is perfectly capable of such shocking action. What's even more frightening is that you may forgive him. Don't. At least, not more than once. He admires a woman who holds her ground, if she's not too masculine about it, and if she lets him fly hither and yon, unencumbered by mushy prom¬ises and tearful accusations. As for that grapefruit, it's only fair to point out that Aquarians are usually most gallant with the fair sex. But sometimes they can forget to distinguish between the sexes in the throes of excitement.
Couple that with the Uranus unpredictability, and it does add up to a possible squirt of grapefruit juice in the eye.
There's always an excellent possibility that an Aquarian will achieve some sort of prestige during his lifetime. If it's only a trophy for stickball or a brass plaque for being the tallest man in Succatosh County he's sure to be honored with some kind of recognition. It could be something as splendid as winning the Nobel Prize. Lots of Aquarians achieve such distinctions. (On the other hand, a large per¬centage of disturbed Aquarians are weekly visitors to a head shrinker. It may be kind of tricky to tell the differ¬ence. )
Some Uranus-ruled men have a fetish for cleanliness. You may bump into one who shrieks if anyone uses his towel or breathes on his oatmeal. Back of this is an almost neurotic fear of germs and illness. The Aquarian isn't above letting his phobias trail over into his romantic life, when they can serve a purpose, though he may do so unconsciously. Don't be surprised if he complains that he's allergic to your eye shadow and it makes him sneeze. Uranians have a way of developing allergies to things they'd rather avoid, and they can even fool the doctors, let alone innocent, unsuspecting girls.
He's not the type to woo you with extravagant gestures. He's as likely to pull up a dandelion and toss it at you as bring you an orchid. To be honest, more likely. He won't present you with mink coats and diamonds. But life with him can still be glamorous, even without the mink. There's the well-known story about Helen Hayes and her husband, Charles MacArthur. When they first met, he handed her a bowl of peanuts and said, "I wish they were emeralds." Many years and many dollars later, he gave her a cluster of glittering emeralds with the remark, "I wish they were peanuts." I don't know if MacArthur was an Aquarian, but Uranus was certainly prominent in his natal chart. That's exactly the kind of unexpected glory you'll know with an Aquarian lover. Who needs mink?
Now let's face the worst fact courageously. No flinching or wishful thinking. Here it is. Unlike Cancer, Capricorn, Leo and Libra, Aquarians don't take to marriage like a baby takes to candy. To be truthful, most of them avoid it as long as it's humanly possible. A rare Aquarian male will be enticed into a shower of shoes and rice at an early age, but it doesn't happen often enough for the statistics to be encouraging. The way the impasse usually starts is that the Aquarian makes beautiful, wonderful, glorious friendship the basis of the love. (Easier to slide away from later, my dear.) They choose a girl who's also a chum, and who can keep up with the Aquarian interests, including Mickey Mantle's batting average, crossword puzzles, Arabian horses, fireflies on the Mississippi and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Why? That's easy. With so much to talk about, there's less time for lovemaking, which can get him seriously involved and committed. His ideal is the female who is his friend, and who doesn't make heavy emotional demands on him. Where do we go from here? Nowhere, usually.
Aquarian men find it difficult to relax in physical ex¬pressions of love. That first goodnight kiss may be a long time materializing. Admittedly, it's often well worth wait¬ing for, and the suspense makes it even more special. But he'll cling to the illusion that he's involved in a nice, safe platonic friendship long after such a palsy-walsy relation¬ship has become impossible for you.
Even after he's mustered the courage to say "I love you," he'll avoid the issue of marriage with every excuse in the book. When those run out, he can think up some pretty imaginative new ones. He'll patiently explain that he can't support you in the manner you deserve, his parents need him at home, or he's not good enough for you. If that doesn't work, he'll claim that the future is too uncertain, what with the threats of nuclear destruction and all. What if his boss sends him to Alaska next year? You might die of pneumonia up there, and he would be grief-stricken the rest of his life. You think he can't top that? One Aquarian man I know was engaged for twelve years to a girl he wouldn't marry because "she would have to sacrifice a great career on Broadway." The fact that the girl had never set foot on a stage in her life was beside the point. He thought she had talent. Someday, a producer might just discover her. Then how would she feel if he had held her back by marrying her? Worse yet, how would he feel? Guilty. Just plain selfish and guilty. It's not surprising that this poor female finally escaped to a more positive rival.
But all is not lost. Though it's true that most Aquarians wed late, they do eventually wed-usually. It normally happens after the last bachelor friend has sailed away to a Bermuda honeymoon, and the Aquarian wakes up to realize that here is a mystery other people have solved that he hasn't even investigated. Naturally, he- can't stand that, so pop goes the proposal! Suddenly, of course.- Uranus, you know.
In the early stages, you may think he needs a lesson and decide to let him think he's lost you to a more aggressive suitor. Let me warn you that you're likely to stay lost. Your broken-hearted Uranian is not nearly as apt to come charging after you with the fire of possession in his eye as he is to shed a couple of quiet tears and say, "Well, I guess the best man won." He'll resign himself to a life without you with insulting ease. He's even liable to ask the unbearable question, "Can't we still be friends?" If you say no emphatically, he'll probably just shrug dejectedly and slowly walk away. If you say yes-well, you're right back where you started-friends.
Jealousy isn't his cup of eggnog. He'll trust you until you show him you can't be trusted. Not because he's trust¬ing by nature, but because his analytical dissection has already satisfied him about your character. Unless there are marked afflictions in his natal chart, he's not capable of unfounded suspicion and possessiveness. If he does have a rare stab of jealousy, you'll never know it if he can help it. He will rarely, if ever, be physically unfaithful himself, mostly because the whole subject of sex, though it's interest¬ing, doesn't consume him. An occasional Aquarian may spend a great deal of time intensely pondering sex, but if you know one of these, you can safely assume there's a heavy Scorpio influence in his natal chart. (And chances are even this type won't pursue it actively and openly.)
Once an Aquarian has chosen a mate, he figures he can concentrate on more important things. He can relax and investigate the boy-girl or man-woman relationship at his own leisure in his own private laboratory (which isn't a bad possibility for its eventual chance of success when you stop to think about it).
Uranian sex is part of a larger image or ideal. Should a temptation to engage in illicit romance arise (illicit in his eyes, that is), he'll usually end the affair abruptly, though it may hurt him deeply, rather than continue what he considers to be a dishonest relationship. The situation that made him feel -guilty could be almost anything, from the disapproval of your parents or conflicting religions to an old boy friend not completely discarded, a promise he made to himself at the age of eight, or something he once read in a book. But whatever it is, it will somehow have to be adjusted and resolved before he'll ever renew the closeness, even if the love is as fated as that of Victoria and Albert. The Aquarian will always let his heart break silently, lest his friends hear and ask questions.
He's capable of waiting until he's ninety to claim you, even if you feel that's a bit long to wait for consummation. The worst of it is that hell never give a reason for the break. That's for him to know and you to find out. He'll perversely let you think it was just a fantasy from the beginning, and hold back the real truth that it was genuine for some hazy future day of forgiveness and reconciliation. It can be pretty cruel, but that's the way he plays the game.
Your only comfort is the knowledge that he's suffering in his own way, too. How will you know that? Read "How to Recognize Aquarius" again. He has his subtle ways of telegraphing his feelings, and they can be enormously frustrating-especially when his unique, private communi¬cation signals a green go light while he publicly keeps hold¬ing out a red stop light until he's ready to switch. It can make for some nasty romantic traffic snarls. It's hard on the pedestrian, but he's in the driver's seat, so there's not a lot you can do-except perhaps think up another mystery to tempt him with, or maybe shake him a little with some smashing success to make him curious to talk with you again-like being the first woman to orbit Venus.
Not that such a feat will change his feelings. If he really loves you, he'll love you even if you don't orbit any farther than to the comer delicatessen, but it might interfere with his fixed strategy. You may gather from all this that a Uranus man can be pretty stubborn when it comes to love. You would be so right. His fixity in affectionate matters can drive you straight into the booby hatch or drive you to someone else in desperation. That's a big fat waste of time. He's not jealous, remember? Or he won't show it if he is. Besides, with his darned Uranian intuition, he'll know it's all an act. Because he knows what makes you tick. Don't forget, he studied you for a long time. About the only thing you can do is hope you'll still be attractive at ninety or else start practicing those Venus orbits.
Putting the shoe on the other foot, an Aquarian can arouse a heap of possessiveness in you when the tables are turned. Don't let it throw you off balance. Thanks to the everlasting Uranus proclivity for friendship, whenever and wherever he finds it, there may be times when you won't know where he is, even after you're married and you should. Just tell yourself that, no matter how late he sits up with a friend, it's only his normal curiosity at work, his never-ending interest in people. If the friend is a woman, pretend you didn't notice. In all honesty, he most likely didn't. You can expect the truth when you ask him a direct question. But if you doubt him and ask again, he'll figure you don't want the truth. To punish you, he'll make up the wildest story he can dream up (and he can dream up some pretty wild ones). You may regret your suspicions when you spend a few hours in abject misery wondering if he really did tell that redhead she was gorgeous. (That's after he told you he didn't even remember talking to her and you said, "Ha! I just bet you don't remember.") He honestly didn't, but you asked for details, so he gladly obliged with some purely imaginary ones to teach you a lesson. You'll learn fast.
Don't be hurt when he's in one of his solitary moods and prefers to be alone with his silent dreams. He'll return to share them with you, all the more warm and tender for his spiritual retreat and anything that warms him up should definitely be encouraged.
He may not be the best breadwinner around, but he's capable of inventing something beneficial to the world or being the first man to land on Mars. He'll feel right at home there, too. There's always a surprise just around the comer with an Aquarian husband, even when the budget is shaky. Naturally, there are a few Uranian men who are wealthy, even millionaires, but a high income bracket is seldom a burning ambition. All the rich Aquarians you see probably stumbled on it. It's certain they didn't greedily grasp for it. If he has a fat bank book, the chances are it gained weight while he was attempting to improve some product or idea for the good of humanity in general-or he's saved it to support his eccentric old age. Who knows? He might want to take a trip in a time machine someday, and he wants to be sure to have the fare. Most of the time he'll be reasonable about money, but save when you can, and don't run up charge accounts. He'll never recover from sheer extravagance on your part. Sometimes he can sur¬prise you with a burst of generosity, but he won't go over¬board, unless he has an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius or Pisces ascendant. Even then, he won't be a big butter and egg man.
The children will find him the greatest listener on the block. He'll be fascinated at the perfect breath control of the wolf when he blew down the three little pigs' pad- and curious about how the old witch pickled the poisoned apple that put the whammy on Snow White. A small boy's trouble learning how to strike a home run and a little girl's tears over a broken doll are simply the problems of a couple of pals in trouble to an Aquarian father. He's a whiz at complicated arithmetic questions, too.
Don't let your career make you neglect to feed him or sew on his buttons. Don't encourage your girl friends to camp on his couch or tie up the telephone for hours, and don't get engrossed in TV or a novel when he wants you to find his old soft ball in the attic or pull a splinter out of his finger. He married you for several reasons. Though romance may play its part, the most important reason was to have you around-so he would always have someone to mash his baked potato, cross-stitch his buttonholes, find his lost articles and operate on an oc¬casional splinter. He won't cotton to your letting television, reading or female chums interfere with those duties. His idea of a good wife and mother is quite simple: a woman who keeps at it almost constantly. Even the more liberal Aquarian husbands will frown on a glamorous gadabout. But you won't mind it too much. He's so full of interesting surprises himself you won't need soap operas, women's magazines and tete-a-tetes with girl friends to keep your mind and emotions challenged. (He may be about all the challenge you can take.) You can always catch up on the female gossip and such when he's engrossed in some new project and gets a little absent-minded about what you're doing. But just be sure to be there when he has a sore finger, because he can be a real sorehead when he's neglected.
Strangely, since he's so realistic about most things, the Aquarian will never forget his first love. (Not the first date, but the first girl who ever gave him a rainbow. There's a difference.) Uranians frequently marry childhood sweet¬hearts years later, or cling to a faded illusion. An Aquarian can usually describe his first love in detail, which can be annoying to a wife. The solution is to be that first love. You may have to wait a long time to wear orange blossoms, but at least you won't be replaced by a ghost. Who else could turn peanuts into emeralds or vice versa, never mind a little grapefruit juice in the eye? Despite his gen¬eral romantic clumsiness, he can come up with sudden phrases which could only have been invented by the angels. He can forget your wedding anniversary, but he'll bring you violets in January. Christmas? Who says it has to be on December 25th? It can be any time you want it to be. He may go for days or weeks or months without a single word of romance or affection. Then some morning while you're slicing his blueberry pie, he'll look deep into your eyes and ask gently, "Do you know how beautiful you are?" There will be something about the way he says it that will make your knees weak.
Jingle bells on the seashore, birthdays at dawn. Valen¬tine's Day on Halloween, rainbows at midnight. Pin a red heart on an orange pumpkin, roll Easter eggs in the snow, light the candles on the cake on top of a ferris wheel- you're in love with an Aquarian, didn't you know? I wish you a Frank Merriwell ending. But be careful. You can get lost out there in Wonderland.
　
　
　- Courtesy: Linda Goodman (Who else?)

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