2009 and what I got out of it.

I was talking to V the other day about how its that time of the year to write that customary end of year post. He was saying that if it was just customary then I could go without writing it. I gave him a reason (I told him that the reason of writing it was getting closure!) that seemed highly sensationalized and preposterous then. Later when I thought about writing the post and reasons for doing so, it seemed to make sense and actually have a point unlike many of my other posts.

I usually spend all of 10 minutes composing the year that was posts over the last few times. This year around, I decided to give it more time and it actually sat in my drafts for a few days before seeing the light of the blogosphere.

I don't know where to start. And I don't know what to write. Considering the long preamble, I don't want to make it a bullet-style post. So actually putting in more thought than a year end post actually warrants, well, mainly because it has been that kind of an year. Typically, I also don't like it when an year ends; only because, it seems like time is flying by and along with it, growing up and growing old, eventually. And with that comes decisions. Not like I don't want to make decisions. No, I mostly like them because they let me be in control of my own life. I only don't like them when I have to make a decision and I am given no choice. And it has happened more than once this year. And it makes me feel like I don't deserve anything that I have worked for all these years. All this said, the crux is that I am glad to see this year come to an end. Then again not necessary that the year ending has to mean that things have to or will get better necessarily; just the fact that proverbial starts and ends (including those of years, days etc) invoke some reaction in humankind, mostly positive.

If I can say anything about 2009 for me, it is that I saw change. and still see it. Change is good as long as it hasn`t been thrust upon you by someone, shoved down your throat, and that too when the perpetrator is not sure of it either. Change is good as long as it doesnt make you every single day wondering how you will get through it. Change is good as long as it doesn`t leave you without stripping you of your sanity or self confidence for that matter. Change is good as long as only one aspect of your life changes for the worse at any given point of time.

But life aint a bed of roses. And all you can do finally is say "it is what it is". But what you can do is learn something out of it. Analyze the scenario, bisect, disect, mutilate, put under a microscope, postmortem every single incident to figure out and unearth nuances. And that is what I did. And this is what I came up with:

1. My perspectives have changed. While they (should) change, with every passing year or age, the magnitude of the change is exponential and not for the better in certain aspects. Which is not a bad thing necessarily. It makes me a much bigger cynic and sceptic than before (I did not think that was possible!!LOL). But I know better now.
2. My perceptions have changed (obviously!)
3. Everything in life is subject to the questions: "At what/whose cost?. At the end of the day, no one is indispensable.
4. Unconditional love is a f%^&*$# load of  f%$^&*$ bullshit. People are ok when it comes to receiving and basking in it, and not while giving it.
5. My belief system, well, lets put it this way, is currently non existant.
6. I am so much more driven and ambitious than I realized myself.
7. Never imagined how confident having a strong career at hand makes me feel.
8. My ability to bounce back scares me. Makes me think I am not as deep as I have always been told I am.
9. How much people who dont stand up for what they beleive in (still) disappoint me.
10. How much integrity, respect for others` time, deadlines, choices, ideals, ideas and goals always seem to be a point of consideration only for me  only for very few people. I would think it would be important when it is of someone who (supposedly) means a lot to you.
11. My belief of how if you worked hard enough for it, you always got it took a hit and made me realize that things like destiny, luck etc etc actually exist.
12. How certain people miraculously turn into pillars of support. You all know who you are. And you helped me much more than you can ever imagine.

The one thing that gives me utmost happiness and satisfaction is the fact that I gave everything I did over the year my entire being regardless of anything else and managed to keep my head from drowning when the floods hit the roof.

That, my friend, is reason enough for me to celebrate.

Happy Holidays everybody.

Over & Out
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